The State Of Me

I turn 25 in 3 days, people. Damn. Can you BELIEVE IT!?

I’m still on the job hunt, and trying my best to say positive about this whole situation. When you’re sitting comfortably with a cushy job, and a nice well balanced life, it’s easy to do things. But when you throw your shit up in the air, things get messy.

It’s easy to long for the things you don’t have, and take the things you do have for granted. So a few months ago when I was sitting in Minnesota with my cushy job, family close by, best friends a skip away, drum set readily available, but girlfriend 1200 miles away, it was very easy to focus solely on the negative aspect of that situation: the the lack of girlfriend.

Now that I traded my old life for this friendsless, jobless, life I’m leading now…it’s difficult sometimes not to focus on all the things I’ve given up. Thankfully, I have black-belt level mastery in the areas of denial and delusion, so most of the time I stay afloat, mentally. However, I do miss my old life terribly.

Let me make it clear that I’m not regretting my decision. Moving here to be with Maggie has been great. I love living with her, and even though it’s a definite adjustment, I’m very happy being with her. And further, there was really no other choice.

To paraphrase part of an extremely girly relationship book, The List: 7 Ways To Tell If He’s Going To Marry You, I skimmed through (it was on the coffee table at one of mag’s friends’ places). “While for women, a Man has to pass a series of grueling tests to be fit to marry, men only have the alarm. One day, the alarm goes off, and they don’t know what it is, or why it’s going off, but they react. For Men, there is only the alarm. ”

Well, anyway, my alarm went off, and I reacted. End of story.

Pimpin’ ain’t easy.

So back to the job hunt. I’m on it, people. I’ve been doing some independent work for the force science research center, so I do have some income, but I don’t have a place to go in the day time, work people to associate with, or quality health insurance, which is a worry. Further, the problem with looking for a job when you don’t have a job is very similar to being single in that when you’re single, you don’t have the confidence you did when you weren’t. When I had a job, I had the utmost confidence in my abilities, and imagined myself not having any trouble finding work. But now that I’m sittin’ around jobless, that confidence is a bit hard to find. Denial helps, though.

I am being proactive about it, though. My old resume wasn’t doing the trick, so I spent a weekend working on one that should attract more potential employers. (See it at Jeffrey[MyLastName].com).

Hey, know somebody in the Manhattan area who needs a creative software engineer?